


Evilly Parental

by KarmaKat, SparklyRainbowRain



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Black Hat is a parent, Black Hat is very comical, Dad Flug, Dad Hat, Demencia tries to be the mom, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Jealous Flug, Mom Flug, Mostly 5.0.5 being a bab, One sided Black Hat/ Demencia, One-Sided Attraction, She's more like the big sis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-06-19 14:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15511485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarmaKat/pseuds/KarmaKat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklyRainbowRain/pseuds/SparklyRainbowRain
Summary: Black Hat is fed up with 5.0.5 being good to him all the time, so he decides to personally train him to be evil.Flug is a very salty boi over this because it's obvious bh is "slowly" becoming fatherly.Also, Demencia tries to become the mom of this situation but let's face it, no sane person would let her.





	1. Black Hat Commits Plagiarism

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks @sparkyrainbowrain for helping edit the fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat gets an idea that will probably fail

  
Everyone was in the dining room while 5.0.5 was in the kitchen preparing the food. It was a usual Monday morning in the manor, with Demencia on the floor drawing x-rated fantasies of herself and Black Hat with crayons while Flug tiredly listened to his boss's rants. His head was propped up by his arm as he waited for his coffee and breakfast.

The current reason for Black Hat's irritability was the very bear who was cooking their meals. Yesterday, 5.0.5 had made an arrangement of baked goods, along with a drawing of Black Hat himself eating the muffins happily. 5.0.5 had then sent it to his office with a smile on his face. After Black Hat had made the muffins turn alive and attack the poor creature while laughing nefariously, 5.0.5 made an apology letter and put it on the fridge.

It would've been fine if that was the only thing that happened, but today was Father's Day and he just knew that the bear would strike again out of tradition. This caused Black Hat to be mad, and when he was mad, everyone had to suffer.

Mostly Flug.

How would you feel if your idol was talking trash about your son and you couldn't talk back without the risk of a slow, painful death? Or worse, having another "bonding" day with _Demencia_. The thought of that alone made the poor scientist shudder. He'd rather take the first option.

"Whom the fuck made this cruel holiday anyways? And who on Earth would think to celebrate it with me other than an overweight NEOPET! I swear if he makes an apology letter for the apology letter- AAUUUGH!" As he screamed the last part, his fists connected with the table, leaving a couple more burn marks and a concerned scientist.

Flug looked up at him, wincing at the sudden sound. His boss's ranting was starting to take a toll on him, and he could already feel a migraine coming on.

"I'm sorry that you feel bad sir," Flug said, "but you can't change people. Believe me, I tried..."

Flug gave Demencia a withering look and continued.

"Besides, 5.0.5 is still useful! He cooks and cleans-"

"AND CAN'T DIE! I'm stuck with this pest I can't kill and won't fucking age!" He ripped off his own face in disdain and chucked the skin into the trash.

"Jefe, please, we can't keep doing this," Flug all but begged. "Maybe you could just ask him to stop since he's really nice. I wouldn't mind getting the gifts in return anyway." He muttered the last part while squinting.

Black Hat huffed. "Just _ask_ him? IF it was that easy, he'd be evil by now from me asking like a pansy! It's not like you can just..."

Black Hat trailed off. After a few heartbeats, he shot up like a bullet. "Flug, your incompetence has inspired me! See you later, suckers!" He teleported out just as a confused 5.0.5 came in with their breakfast.

Flug blinked before saying the most appropriate thing for their situation.

"Fuck."


	2. Ruined Cars and Nervous Bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat adds perfect logic to everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took several months! I honestly was going to abandon it, but I wanted to do story practice and I need some sweet Dad Hat. Thanks @sparklyrainbowrain

Sunlight poured through the small portholes of 5.0.5’s room as he sighed contentedly, knowing that he had plenty of time before any work needed to be done. He was playing with his gigantic pile of stuffed animals that varied from looking like they came straight from the uncanny valley to almost as adorable as himself.

Unbeknownst to him, however, a shadow began to form beyond his line of vision. A small tendril of darkness snatched one of the toys from 5.0.5’s paw. The bear peered over his shoulder and, with a yelp, dove into his makeshift den of stuffed animals.

Black Hat appeared, rolling his eye at the pathetic sight.

Part of him wondered why he was even bothering with this plan in the first place, but then he remembered. Infinite Fathers Days awaited him otherwise, and that was most definitely a fate worse than death.

After much deliberation, Black Hat straightened his posture.

“Oh, please,” he huffed. “I’m not going to harm you. Just come over here, bear.”

5.0.5 immediately poked his head out from the nest of plushies, giving Black Hat a fearful salute not unlike something that Flug would do after being given an order.

Seeing 5.0.5’s behavior, Black hat wondered how exactly he would turn such a miserable creature into the killing machine he always wanted. It was next to impossible to imagine the little guy doing anything evil. All he could picture was 5.0.5 standing near a sidewalk while clasping his paws together and giving a knowing smile.

“Baww?”, 5.0.5 asked nervously as he climbed out of his hiding place.

It was then that Black realized that he’d been staring at the bear with a blank expression. Clearing his throat, he began to speak again.

“Now,” he said, crossing his arms, “you may be wondering why I came to you personally if it wasn’t to fuck with you.”

5.0.5 recoiled at the language but nodded.

Black hat rolled his eyes, continuing.

“You see, I decided--on my own, mind you--that some…”

He grimaced. _“...bonding time_ would make things better.”

5.0.5 sprang out of the pile in an avalanche of plush toys and squealed in happiness, despite the out-of-place smile was plastered across Black Hat’s face. Although, to be fair, almost every smile was out of place for the eldritch being.

“Alright, then,” Black Hat said. “Just follow me, do everything I tell you without hesitation, and everything will be just **_fine._ **

* * *

 

“BAAAW?!”, a wide eyed, panicked 5.0.5 asked after Black Hat had handed him a knife, as you do.

The two of them were outside, about a block away from the manor. They sat on a bench, watching a car that an old lady had been hanging around.

Black Hat pointed his finger to the sky. “You didn’t follow my second command! Use the knife to slash that woman’s tires!”

Before 5.0.5 could freak out any further, Black Hat added a quick lie in a softer tone. “Her tires have broken, you see. It’s customary to do this first when replacing them,” he explained, giving 5.0.5 a quick pat on the back. “It will be a nice _surprise_ for her.”

5.0.5 raised an eyebrow in skepticism. On one hand, it was a perfect explanation with--in his mind--no flaws whatsoever. On the other hand, Black Hat was known for tricking him several times in the past and he was afraid of something like that happening again.

 _Wonderful,_ Black Hat thought. Apparently his words wouldn’t be enough to eliminate the slow distrust that had grown from years of abuse. Who knew? Luckily, however, Black Hat had something to back up his statement.

He summoned a contract that appeared out of red and black smoke, handing it to the bear. 5.0.5 eyed it with caution.

Black Hat scoffed. “It only says that you won’t get in trouble for slashing these tires, as long as you don’t tell Flug.”

He tapped his chin in contemplation.

“Although… contracts typically entail some sort of mutual deal. Therefore, in return I will take you out for ice cream!”, he said matter-of-factly, crossing his arms.

5.0.5 looked the contract up and down with the skill of an amateur attorney as he sifted through the fine print. Everything was in order with no additional hidden information. All he needed to do was destroy a few tires and lie to his father! Easy as pie.

The eldritch handed him a pen to sign with. After 5.0.5 supplied his signature, it disappeared in a puff of smoke as impressively amazing as the last.

The bear stood up, brandishing the knife in his stubby paw. He waddled over to the dusty car and hovered over it with an uncertain look in his eye. His vision darted between the wheels and his weapon. In a moment of perfect panic, he ate the knife and tore the tires open with his claws.

Immediately after doing so, a look of shame and horror at his actions washed over his face. He returned to Black Hat’s side with watery eyes.

Black Hat, on the other hand, was uncharacteristically joyful.

“You actually did it! I mean, I knew all along that you’d be able to with my flawless leadership, but still!”

5.0.5’s pout immediately melted into a big grin.

The victory wouldn’t last long, though. Flug appeared from a nearby house, whistling with a burlap sack over his shoulder. He was moving toward the newly-ruined vehicle with an air of confidence that came with not being around Black Hat. When he came close enough to see the damage, he froze.

“MY CAR! WHO DID THIS?!”

He dropped the now-squirming burlap sack.

“CHEESE IT, BEAR!”

Black Hat quickly teleported them out of there as Flug fell to his knees and started crying.


	3. Oh Fuck Me With An Ice Cream Cone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like it's not abandoned yet! Also I no longer have a Beta reader so this chapter is gonna be more shit then the others

The two re-appeared outside of an ice cream parlor.  A few people screamed and ran away after glimpsing at Black Hat. One person bravely yelled “YOLO!” as they snapped a picture of the malevolent being, then promptly fled the area.                

 Black Hat rolled his eye. He’d have to kill that person later when he wasn’t busy. No one who unironically shouts YOLO should live another day.

The two walked into the parlor and stuck out like two immortals at a funeral. The place looked utterly average. It had checkerboard tiles, people who looked like they were going to shit themselves, tables and chairs that looked like they were from the ’50s, and depressed employees who wore strained smiles on their faces.

People stared at the two when they entered since Black Hat himself was with his ‘son’ and he looked slightly pissed, as in it looked like  he was going to spit acid on their faces and eat their children.

The two strolled to the counter. A nervous employee stood there waiting for them to take their orders. He looked about forty-five, wearing a standard apron and cap adorned with an ice cream.

  “Okay, 5.0.5 I have an unlimited budget of me stealing whatever the fuck I want so you can have literally anything on this pathetic excuse of a menu.”

5.0.5 pointed to the sign happily. “Braw!”

“Really 5.0.5, unlimited ice cream and you choose just one vanilla? Don’t you want just a little more?”

“Braw"

Black Hat sighed and summoned a gun and pointed it to the employee's chest who was now praying for his life in five different religions. “Give me a vanilla ice cream with a cookie for the bear, and give me the Vodka.”

The employee gulped as he put his hands in the air, “Sir, we don't have vodka in stock..”

Black Hat felt exasperated so he started to explain,“ I know you don’t. But I can smell that you have a flask somewhere and I want it now.”

“I don’t have one, that's against policy sir...”

The Lord stared at him for five seconds waiting. After five more seconds the employee brought out a flask he was hiding under the counter while crying.

“Is that all you want today sir?”

“No that’ll be all.”

Black hat made the gun disappear in a flash, took the vodka, then turned to an-also crying 5.0.5

God he was starting to regret this plan. He had no idea how to handle this shit. His face contorted into a mixture of disgust and feign affection as he slowly patted the bear.  


“There there...don’t...cry.”

 

This at least made 5.0.5 stop a little as the two walked over to a long, couch-like seat that wrapped around a table.

As the duo waited for their order. 5.0.5 laid his head down on the table to try and calm himself down from the fact Black Hat almost shot a man. His ‘father’ noticed the bear putting his head down while a small puddle of tears formed.

Black Hat lifted his face up as tenderly as possible to try and comfort the poor creature. Unfortunately though he is about as tender as a spiked mallet. This caused a black tendril to be wrapped around the bear's flower yanking him backwards harshly, causing him to yelp loudly.

' _Shit_ ’ thought Black Hat

He removed the tendril. 5.0.5 rubbed the flower which surprisingly didn't get uprooted. Black Hat audibly sighed and took a swig of the vodka. The fiendish creature wondered what to do in such a predicament. Black Hat had always solved his problems with fun destruction, which wasn't a viable option. The abomination(s) snapped back to reality when their dessert was placed on the table by the employee from earlier.

“Your ice cream, sir.” He said while full of terror.

Black Hat looked at the employee dead in the eyes as he chugged the rest of the vodka and gave him the empty flask.  

“That's my tip.”

The employe cried a little. “Thank you sir.”

The employe walked away and Black Hat looked to 5.0.5, who was already digging in. All of his sorrow seemed to have evaporated in an instant, which impressed and disgusted Black Hat simultaneously.

 

 

 

\----------------------------------------------

Flug could definitely believe it. Someone had just slashed his tires and ran off. Of course it happened once he was finally in a good mood. The mad scientist had to collect a victim himself since Demencia was busy with another mission. This allowed for a nice, therapeutic kidnapping session all to himself. It would have been perfect if it wasn't for his slashed tires.

Since Flug didn't have his car to transport the body he'd have to use his teleportation gun. It gave you slight nausea so he only used it in emergencies. This removed his 5 minutes of downtime in the car, him losing his appetite, thus messing up his entire day. His soul felt as heavy as black hat's ego is big.

“Mff!” the bag cried out squirming and crying like a little piss baby. All this did was add to Flug’s growing headache.

“Shut the fuck up.” Flug muttered as he harshly kicked it.

He felt a twinge of satisfaction as it yelped in pain and ceased squirming. The satisfaction was short lived however as Flug remembered the dilemma with the lack of downtime and the inevitable loss of his appetite. Dejectedly the scientist squatted down to observe the damage done to at least exact revenge later.

 

 

 

Well shit.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
